


Fellatio Fail

by mfingalpha (nomz_bunny)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack, Hospitals, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor, werewolf teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 23:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomz_bunny/pseuds/mfingalpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Derek's defense, he'd never done it before and a lot of guides said that some scraping with the teeth was good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fellatio Fail

**Author's Note:**

> AHAHAHA WHAT IS THIS IDEK DON'T LOOK AT ME
> 
> I've never written fail!wolf and it's not Friday but let's not talk about that...

"Stiles."

"No."

" _Stiles_ _."_

 

"No."

" _Stiles,_ we have to at least talk about this."

"No."

"Stiles, I'm sorry okay?" Derek spat out gruffly.

"Sorry?" Stiles finally deigned to turn his head and glare at Derek. Gesturing wildly towards his nether regions he snorted out a hysterical laugh. " _Sorry_ doesn't cut it when I had to go to the hospital and face  _Ms. McCall_ about this!" _  
_

Derek frowned at the floor and muttered something unintelligible.

"What?" Stiles asked, curious despite his anger.

"I said," Derek cleared his throat and his gaze darted up from the floor for a second before fixing a glare at the crack in the tiles next to the hospital bed. "I said 'it was my first time'."

There was silence.

After a few minutes of nothing from Stiles, Derek peeked up through his lashes and looked tentatively at Stiles. He found the boy gawping back, stunned.

"Stiles?"

" _First--_ but dude! You're  _super mega-foxy-awesome hot--_ how have you not--I mean yeah, I assumed more people _gave_ you blowjobs than the other way around but  _never_?"

Derek grimaced to hide his growing embarrassment and rubbed awkwardly at the side of his neck (praying that he didn't blush). "Uh, I uh, meant that...I've never received any either..."

" _What_?!" Stiles sounded as if someone had told him Santa was fake, "So I'm your...first? What about--Kate?"

Derek frowned at the reminder of Kate Argent but managed to mumble out the words anyways. "She didn't like to...she said that it was gross. So we mainly...um, we mainly. Yeah."

There was a pause in the conversation before Stiles relented and laid a hand on Derek's shoulder. "Well, I guess we could--I mean, they say that practice makes perfect--"

The door slammed open before Stiles could finish his sentence.

"STILES. GET YOUR HAND OFF HIM RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!" shouted a red-faced Sheriff Stilinski who was trailed by an amused looking Melissa McCall.

"Calm down, Sheriff, we're in a hospital," she soothed, smoothly sliding in the way of his warpath and bustled about checking that Stiles hadn't disturbed the IV tube. She lifted the cover off of Stiles and methodically lifted up the bandaged appendage and then checked to make sure that the bandages were fine (ignoring completely the strangled noise from the Sheriff who had averted his eyes and Stiles who's face blushed bright red and studiously avoided looking down) before covering Stiles back up and walked towards the Sheriff again.

"Melissa--is he--" the Sheriff stumbled over his words, still embarrassed and was saved, thankfully, by the nurse listing out her findings with no such discomfort.

"He'll be fine. He just needs rest--urination should be fine, just make sure you hold your penis anyplace  _not_ where the teeth sank into as that should be tender for a few weeks. I don't think you'll need help with relieving yourself. Walking might be a bit uncomfortable, try not to squeeze your legs together too tightly--it may help if you walk as if you have an erection."

Or maybe it wasn't something to be thankful about. The three men in the room looked at anything, anywhere--as long as it wasn't at each other.

"Of course, though this should go without saying, you shouldn't engage in sexual activities as the rush of blood may be okay--mornings might ache for a day or two though--but even if someone else," here she looked significantly at Derek (who appeared to be willing the ceiling to fall on him), "were to touch or fellate, it'd be uncomfortable. Full penetrative intercourse is also not advised as the suction and tightness around your penis may be too much and might cause the stitches to burst open and bleeding and pain will take place."

Stiles made the sound of a dying whale.

"Is that...is that all, Melissa?" choked out a Sheriff who was rivaling Stiles in the redness department.

"Yes, that is, just come with me to sign some paperwork and then you can take him home." So saying, she walked briskly out the door and didn't bother to wait and see if the Sheriff was going or not.

"You--stay here," Sheriff Stilinski pointed angrily at Derek, "Don't you dare think of escaping--we have a  _long and detailed_ conversation coming up about how  _exactly_ I was called from the office because my  _underaged son_ had to get stitches on--on--on his  _private parts_  because he had  _puncture wounds from your canines_."

He swept out the room and left the two younger men to sit in tense silence.

"So uh." Stiles began and then stopped before turning his head a bit to stare at Derek. "I still like you. Would you like to try this at a later date?"

Derek groaned and dropped his head in his hands wondering when exactly his life had gotten so traumatizing.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://alphadragons.tumblr.com)


End file.
